My mom has now moved in with us as she can't live alone any longer. Probably mid stage dementia. Her narcissistic personality disorder has always been challenging, but with dementia it's like throwing gasoline on a fire. Is anyone else dealing with this?
1. One approach: tell your incredible story to the consumer investigations agencies for TV. If you Google "TV investigations to help consumers" you'll see a bunch of TV networks that act as consumer advocates. These shows love to expose the kind of people who took advantage of you and your family. What you need to do is apply to their network show, and if selected, they conduct a full investigation and then air your story on their national weekly TV shows. I saw NBC/response, ABC and other channels. You need to share your story!
2. Also listed on the Google search named above is a Consumer Investigations Resources page. It includes tip sheets and guidelines for getting TV investigators to want to show your story to the public. You might want to join the various organizations that look good to you in order to have access to the free tip sheets, and then apply to the TV networks.
3. Another avenue you might take is pursuing a slot on 20/20. Maybe the tip sheets will reveal strategies for you to do this. Your story needs to be shared!!
4. One more idea is to get your story shared on Ellen DeGeneres.
5. Lastly, I think you also need to consider getting exposure to your story by being published in USA Today or Wall Street Journal, both of which conduct in-depth investigations and follow up with an extensive series of articles. You need to share your story!!
So, Ship2Shore, what do you think? You're welcome to send me a private message or respond on this thread. I'd love to help you, and I'm sure others on this site would lend a hand as well. Your story needs to be shared!! Hugs ...
Middle child the son, is also laid back like my youngest and I. Or am I always going to need a glass of wine or a Xanax around oldest daughter and her grandma???? After my mom passes (no where close in time - a very healthy 93-yr-old), if I survive past her and retire, I am going to find a cabin in the middle of nowhere, with an unlimited supply of books, bug spray, and tv, and become a miser. OH and NO TELEPHONE !!!
I first heard a real “I love you” in late stage 6 Alzheimer’s. She looked so sincere (for once).
How sad they needed to be inmeshed in their disease before they could open their hearts to let out their feelings.
Do you and your mother live together? October is a long way down the road to be miserable every day. If you live with your mom, can you live somewhere else between now and then? Please, please, learn how to set boundaries, and remember if she can "bully" you with her narcissistic ways, you can pull yourself together, stand taller, and learn to say NO. This is a time for you to be happy and enjoy yourself/yourselves, you and your fiancé.
I do hope you and your husband - to-be will be living somewhere by yourselves. If you are able to live separate from your mother, do it! Think distance. Phone calls can go to voicemail, and answer when you have time and are up to it. Do NOT take your mother in with you ever. You and your fiancé are important. Remember that.
Are you able to get married somewhere else? My son (same age as you) and his fiancé are marrying in November on an island in the Caribbean. They want something simple and relaxing and anyone that wants to go can go; otherwise, they will have a dinner celebration home in both states (ours, and his fiancé's). I know they hope to have a smaller, more relaxed wedding that way.
And many congratulations and good lucks !!
Same thing happened to me.
Mom lived in a senior apartment building with services and meals. (I had to move her 500 miles closer to me because of Alzheimer’s.) As stage 5 wore on, she accused me of everything (stealing, lying, physical abuse to her, wanting to have relations with her (!!!), etc. Her “neighbors” ganged up on me. Mom “reported” me to her doctor and APS got involved (but dropped the case later). It was a nightmare.
Mom missed 2 Visa payments so I told her I needed to pay them but I couldn’t unless she signed me onto her checking account. She did. Then, I told her I wouldn’t be able to afford to cremate her and I would have to leave her in the morgue until I could get enough money together (I know, how horrible of me but it WAS the truth.) She then signed me onto her savings account and drew up a POA..
She passed away a week ago and there was no trouble getting the funds.
Stage 5 Alz was a nightmare that I hope to never repeat. I’m sorry for you. This, too, shall pass. In my opinion Stage 6 is much more calm and easier to handle. Good luck.
Sorry you're going through so much with your narc mom. That's why I visit here so frequently. People here believe you because they've been through it too. We all need someone to talk to and therapy is expensive! So we "talk" here!
People who've never had a narc in their lives don't "get it." They think our "life stories" sound improbable or exaggerated and all we need to do is treat our narcs with "more love and understanding." If only that worked, but it doesn't; if anything, it makes it worse!
IMHO, it all starts with the narc parent convincing the child that their sole purpose for living is to reflect them in a positive light and don't deserve boundaries. That way they can manipulate and use us through fear, obligation, and guilt. Once we learn how pathetic the narc is, that they're not going to change and we must be the ones to take charge of the relationship, then we can start setting boundaries and effect the changes we need to start healing.
Wishing all children of narcs the courage to establish boundaries and live their own lives separate and apart from the parent. It's a constant endeavor, but it can be done! ((((Hugs))))
Get your narc mother OUT OF YOUR HOUSE NOW, that is my recommendation. Or else YOU will be writing a story like mine soon except it will be a million times worse because you will have no escape from the torture chamber. Don't do it. It's not worth it.
My condolences for what you're going through. One day at a time, my friend.
**Yikes. I just saw this question was posted in 2013~! What happened?
If you need to make someone understand what abusive guardianship is all about, have them watch this interview:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lY1AQkJDUuE&t=677s
How? I have no idea. Narcissists are always right and never wrong. Someone else is responsible. Their sense of entitlement knows no bounds. Their lack of regard for the feelings of others is shocking.
It seems strange to me that modern psychiatry has yet to come up with an effective means to treat these emotional vampires. The suffering goes on and on, generation after generation. Sad!